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[William777]

Chapter 1: Self Reflection

It was a dark and stormy night, the lightning sprites flashed in the pitch black sky. Thwomp could barely see through the slits of the window in the Chocolate factory. Thwomp had been at the top of his game for 20 long years, he'd worked hard in school and got straight As in his business qualifications, but now - looking back on his life he knew that though his heart beat, he had never lived a day in his life.

The steady whirs of the chocolate machines gave a fitting background noise to his self reflection, the chocolate factory had it's annual inspection tomorrow, so he had another sip of whiskey while he calculated the quarterly turnover and noted it in the pre-designated box on the sheet. As his sleep starved mind wandered off his train of thought he flashed back to when he was a young boy - his father warned him of wasting his life away in a desk job, but he didn't listen. He never listened.
He awoke with a cold sweat, instantly knowing what he had to do. He shuffled along agonizingly slowly until he was at the window ledge of his office - his entire life flashed before his eyes, it was then that he realized that everything was a choice, and that was all our lives really were - a selection of choices... and he made the wrong ones.
All he knew then was roaring, the roaring of wind flying past his very being lasted for what seemed to be an eternity Thwomp looked onwards with silence until he hit the ground.

And it all went black.

Edited by William777, 25 January 2010 - 05:59 PM.

[Hamlet]

Chapter 2: A Nasty Fall

Thwomp slowly opened his eyes and looked around. He couldn’t see – everything was bright. He wondered if he was in heaven.

“Are you okay?” he heard a voice. Was it God? No. It couldn’t be God. God doesn’t sound like a girl. Could it then be Jesus?
“Huh... Where am I?” Thwomp couldn’t think straight. He had a splitting headache.
“You’re in the hospital, Thwomp. You had a nasty fall. Can you remember anything?”
Thwomp could remember now. He had tried to kill himself. But he did not say anything.
For the next few days Thwomp remained in his hospital bed. His injuries had left him unable to do anything, and he spent his time slipping in and out of consciousness. Gradually, though, he began to improve – his eyesight returned, his headache subsided and he no longer needed to be fed through a tube. He learnt that the kind voice did not belong to Jesus, but to a young nurse called Deborah. Thwomp liked Deborah, but he was too shy to say anything. Instead he would just look on as she made the beds and cared for the other patients. Whenever she would ask him “how are you feeling today, Thwomp?” he would just mutter a quiet “fine”. Thwomp knew that a kind, beautiful young woman like her would never fall for an old, ugly, lump of rock like him.
One day Thwomp woke up and felt completely recovered. He decided that since he had been stuck in a bed for so long, he would take a walk just to get some exercise. So he sat up, and got out of his bed. Or rather, one should say he fell out of his bed. Thwomp’s legs had failed to support him. He tried to get up, but he couldn’t.
Thwomp was beginning to panic. Was this a nightmare? Surely his legs could not be broken! What would he do without his legs?! He cried out - “Help!” – but no one came. The Koopa with shell cancer in the bed next to him just stared at him. Thwomp began to cry.

It was several hours until he heard footsteps in his ward. “Help me!” he cried.
“Good heavens! What happened to you?” it was Deborah. Thwomp’s tiny stone heart broke even more – he didn’t want her to see him like this.
Deborah tried to pick Thwomp up, but he was too big and heavy.
“Stay here, I’ll go get help.” Thwomp was alone again. The Koopa with shell cancer was reading a magazine about motorcycles. Thwomp wondered whether the Koopa would ever be healthy enough to ride a motorcycle, and this made Thwomp even more depressed.
It wasn’t long before Deborah came back with several men and women. They picked him up, and put him back on his bed. Thwomp asked them to leave, and they seemed happy to. Deborah, however, stayed a while.
“Don’t worry, Thwomp. It’s not the end of the world just because you’ve lost your legs” she said.
“I want you to go. I’m pathetic. I don’t deserve your sympathy.” Thwomp didn’t look her in the eye.
“Listen. I know it may seem like life is treating you pretty hard at the moment, but don’t worry, things can always get better. There are lots of people who can live very fulfilling lives without their legs, you know.”
“My life is over. I cannot run a chocolate factory like this.”
“Thwomp, I know that you aren’t here because of an accident. I know why you had that fall”.
Thwomp was silent.
“You tried to kill yourself, didn’t you?”
He couldn’t say anything.
“But, you survived that, didn’t you? If you think about it, you’re actually really lucky to still be alive! Someone up there,” she paused, “must have wanted you to live”.
Thwomp considered this, and found that he agreed. She was right, he was lucky to be alive. He may have lost his legs, but at least he wasn’t dead! Then Thwomp remembered that he wanted to be dead.
“I hate my life, Deborah. I don’t want it anymore.”
Deborah looked concerned, but she smiled and said,
“Maybe it’s time for you to find a new life? Maybe being the owner of a chocolate factory isn’t the right path for you.”
“I’m too old to start again.” Thwomp began to cry again, but Deborah took out a tissue and wiped them away.
She then got up.
“I need to go now, but I will be back tomorrow. I’ll get you a wheelchair, and then we can start to address this depression problem of yours.” She gave him another sympathetic smile, and left.
In the middle of the night, the Koopa with shell cancer passed away. Apparently, he had been eating mushrooms in bed and had choked on one.
As Thwomp saw the undertakers carry away his lifeless body away, he thought about what Deborah had told him the day before. Maybe he had been wrong, maybe death was not the answer. The dead Koopa certainly didn’t look very cheerful, in fact, he looked worse than he had done alive, and he had looked pretty bad then.
Thwomp began to consider ways in which he could improve his life. Slowly, he began to form a plan.

Edited by Hamlet, 25 January 2010 - 01:11 PM.

[My mate Neil]

Chapter 3: Dramatic

HOWEVER!!! Before Thwomp had anytime to think there was a loud crash from outside the hospital. Piercing screams could be heard outside, and the earth shook it was kinda scary but not as scary as say, that scene out of the exorcist where her head turns around, you know what I mean. Anyway the earth was shaking and hospital stuff was flying about the hospital and then the guy with shell cancer fell over and shouted “NO!!! Thwomp help me up as fast as you can!” But Thowmp could only look onwlards. “AIIIIIIIEE” shouted the nurse who’s name I’m not going to bother typing because that would take to long to find the spelling and I’m doing this in a rush. “AWWWWW NAW!!!” shouted a manly looking doctor who looked really cool like the cool guy out of the terminator, “THE VILLAGE VOLCANO HAS ERUPTED!!!!!!!”
“NO” Shouted Thwomp, “I WANTED TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE BUT NOT EVERYONE ELSE’S NOOOOO!!! Suddenly without warning like, a giant volcano rock that was covered in lava and was really hot fell on top the Nurse. Thwomp began to through a temper tantrum and the ground below Thwomp exploded, “AIIIIIIEEEE” screamed Thowmp who could only look on in sadness because of all the really bad luck that had happened to him.

Thowmp was now falling really fast down a giant black hole that looked like it had no end to because it was really deep but there was really lava at the bottom like. Thowmp was now spinning and this was cool because he had no legs, and when he was spinning round and round and round etc. like his brain got tossed about, suddenly Thwomp realised how useless he was. The nurse who’s name escapes me at this moment had been crushed by a giant volcanic bolder just like his parents but Thwomp was to busy playing his Sega Mega Drive to notice. This made Thwomp mad and upset because he remembered that he wanted a Game Boy for Christmas and not a sega, but then he remembered what happened to his parents like. Thwomp then opened his mouth and grabbed onto a rock and started to jump out the hole

“I WANT MY REVENGE ON THE VOLCANO” he cried.

Edited by Good Old Neil, 21 January 2010 - 04:12 PM.

[William777]

Chapter 4: Redemption

But before he could reach upwards to the next crumbling rock, a hospital wheelchair with an annoying patient shouting something about plot consistency fell from the ruins of the hospital and collided with thwomp ... His vision started to blur due to the tears pouring out of his eyes because of the pure anger and remorse he was feeling, every second he fell felt like an lifetime on earth - it turned out he was mistaken earlier when he thought he saw lava at the bottom of the pit, he and many of the hospital staff were falling though a giant chasm in the middle of the earth.

He awoke to the sound of seagulls and the seashore. His eyes slowly opened to see the bright blue water of Hawaiian Islands, a hospital wheelchair was stuck in the sand several feet away from him. His spirit almost broke then and there, with his only friend crushed by a volcanic rock and his suicide attempt a pathetic failure the only thing that kept him struggling towards the wheelchair was his vow to avenge Deborah's death and not rest until the volcano was destroyed.

Thwomp looked on with determination as he shuffled along agonizingly slowly towards his only hope of salvation. He pulled himself up onto the wheelchair and looked around for help. He thought about shouting out, but his voice was hoarse from all the painful screaming he did while he fell. As he sat in his wheelchair and looked out to the sea and watched the sun set he knew what had to be done. If only he could move his wheelchair he could start his quest for revenge and redemption.

Not all hope was lost for Thwomp though, for as the sun rose from into the sky for a new day, he saw a man approaching from the horizon.

Edited by William777, 25 January 2010 - 05:59 PM.

[Hamlet]

Chapter 5: Arse bandits

As the man got closer, Thwomp realised he was one of the doctors from the hospital. He was big, muscular and handsome – he looked like a movie star, or perhaps a politician.
“Ye okay, mate?” said the doctor as he knelt down in front of Thwomp. His face was covered in cuts and bruises.
Thwomp tried to respond in the negative, but his voice was too hoarse.
“Noo, listen, hae ye seen onie other survivors?” the doctor sounded desperate. When Thwomp didn’t answer, the doctor grabbed him and shook him. “HAE YE?!” he yelled. This time, Thwomp managed to say “no”. Upon hearing this, the doctor let him go and slumped to the ground. He looked sad.
“I got tae find him! I dinnae ken whit I’d dae without him...” the doctor began to sob, and Thwomp was unable to comfort him.
Suddenly, a hand appeared on the doctor’s shoulder. It belonged to a man who Thwomp did not recognize, and the stranger also looked like he had been body building. His features, however, were far less perfect – his nose was crooked, his thick bushy eyebrows were joined in the middle, his teeth were yellow and he had a large wart below his right eye. Thwomp was frightened. However, when the doctor looked up, there was a massive grin on his face.
“Addy! Yer alive!” and with a loud, joyful laugh, the doctor stood up, turned around, and embraced the ugly man. He was still crying, but this time they were happy tears.
The ugly man (who seemed to be called Addy) chuckled and said,
“Hey, what are you getting so worked up about, Wally? You know I would never-”
“Oh, Haud yer wheesh, ye stupid arse bandit!” interrupted the doctor (who seemed to be called Wally) and before Addy could say anything, he kissed him on the mouth.
All Thwomp could do was look on with sadness. He thought about Deborah, who he never had a chance to kiss. He was jealous of Addy and Wally, jealous because he had never been in a relationship and they have, jealous because he didn’t have working legs and they did. He wondered if the Koopa with shell cancer (who was nowhere to be seen) had ever been in love.
After a while, the two men stopped kissing and talked. It turned out that Addy was visiting Wally at work when the Village Volcano erupted. When Addy asked what happened, Wally explained that the eruption had caused an earthquake which opened up a hole in the ground, which resulted in the entire hospital being spat out on the other side of the planet.
“And what should we do now?” Addy asked.
“Weel, Ah think we need tae fin' other folk, an' ask them hoo tae gie aff this island,” said Wally, “We need tae get home.”  
“But how are we going to do that? This island looks deserted and I haven’t seen any other survivors from the hospital.”
“Hmm,” Wally considered this. “Then let’s gie aff this island ourselves!”
“Ooh! We could build a raft!”

And build a raft they did. Thwomp, whose inability to move prevented him from helping, just watched. And as he watched, he thought. He remembered again how the Village Volcano had slaughtered his parents as he sat and played video games. He remembered how the fortunate arrival of the police had forced the murderer to flee before it had a chance to kill Thwomp too. For many years, Thwomp had thought he was safe – the only monsters he had to worry about were his emotions. But now the Village Volcano had returned, and Thwomp knew it wanted to finish what it had started so long ago.
Thwomp had wanted a reason to live, and now he had one – he would not stop until the Village Volcano was destroyed. He did not want anyone else who got in his way to die. He would do it for Deborah.
The following morning and Thwomp was woken up by a smiling Addy. Thwomp screamed, because he had been dreaming of Deborah and was not expecting to see such an ugly face when he woke up. He quickly recovered, though, when he heard the raft was completed. Wally took the handles of the wheelchair, and he brought him aboard. The raft was large and strong, but it still almost sank under their combined weight. Thwomp felt incredibly awkward, for as a large lump of rock he was by far the heaviest. Wally reassured him, though, that they would still be able to sail. He was right, too.

Disclaimer: Wally is not based on Neil

Edited by Hamlet, 25 January 2010 - 10:42 AM.

[My mate Neil]

Chapter 6: A Choice

Things were starting to look up for a dear boy Thwomp
But all good things couldn’t last you see
For a bad man was about to give
Our hero a good whomp


For you see boys and girls, there was one more person who had fallen down the giant hole that day….

“Are ye ready tae set sail Thwomp” Wally said cheerfully. Thwomp looked on with approval. “aye release the rope and lets go home!!” Suddenly something caught Thwomp’s eye, it was another man, this man however was much scarier looking, he had broad soldiers and almost looked seven feet tall, his beard was ginger and came down to a sharp point. Thwomp shuffled about and tried to gets the good doctors attentions, but it was too late, the large man had grabbed Wally and thrown him against the ground.  “Though you could get away fae me didn’t ye son!” Wally recognised the man in an instant it was his homophobe father.
“Nooo da’ please no in front o’ me two pals!”
“Shut it, and drop the accent, I knew it was a mistake marrying a Welsh woman…no’ am gonnie clear the rest o’ ma mistakes.” Addy whimpered, this was new to him. Wally’s father pulled out a pipe wrench from his back pocket. “No! Please don’t!” screamed Addy. Wally’s Father, Calum swung is pipe wrench around in an attempt to scare Addy away, but instead hit Thwomp’s wheel chair which knocked Thwomp into the sea, Thwomp was now sinking like a rock, literally. “Now it’s yooor turn” said Calum who now stomped on Wally’s chest. Addy now had to make a choice, did he save his dear Wally who turned out to not be the man he thought he was, or Thwomp, his new friend?

Edited by Good Old Neil, 22 January 2010 - 07:50 PM.

[William777]

Chapter 7: Frying Pan to the Fire

Addy desperately looked back and forth between his beloved Wally and the quickly shrinking shadow of Thwomp below the dark blue waves...
He had to make the hardest decision in his life, but he knew where his heart lie - he had to save the man he loved.

In one grand gesture he rammed Calum off the raft (who fell roaring obscenities into the water) and quickly turned around looking for Thwomp's outline under the waves.

However, Thwomp was lost to the sea...


--------


As Thwomp looked upwards to the slowly fading light of the surface and his final minutes started to slip away - he flashed back to his father and his dying words... "Whatever you do, wherever you go... Never give up Thwomp." He then knew that he didn't want to die at the bottom of the ocean, he had too much left to do in his life. He remembered that all hospital wheelchairs had emergency airbags incase of collisions, so he pulled the activation cord with his mouth and he floated quickly back to the surface to meet with a bruised Addy and Wally.
They quickly pulled him aboard the raft and asked him if he was okay - Thwomp replied with a nod of the head, too shaken by the experience to talk. As they caught their breath they noticed something floating next to the raft... As they moved over for a closer look, they began realize what it was...

A fake ginger beard.

"A fake beard?" Addy remarked, "Then who was that man who tried to kill Wally?"
"He weren't tryin' to knock me off..." Wally said with a meaningful stare towards the novelty beard... "Tha only guy who almost died was..."
"Thwomp." They both said together.
"He did look a bit too tall an' broad to be mah dad..."

Though Thwomp didn't say anything at the time, he knew deep down who the attacker was...
The Village Volcano had tried to kill again.

Days past with no sight of land. Their coconut supply dwindled and Wally and Addy's constant romantics started to get on Thwomp's nerves. He could only look on in disgust as they spouted lines worthy of a D-List Romance Film. On day 7 they finally spotted a line of thick smog on the horizon.
"Judging by the current of the ocean, we must be approaching the port of Hull." Addy said
"Ach, we get off a bloody island to get stuck on a bigger un'." Wally retorted in anger of having to return to Great Britain.

As their raft slowly got dragged into port, Thwomp prepared himself for the next part of his journey...

Edited by William777, 25 January 2010 - 06:00 PM.

[Hamlet]

Chapter 7.5: The First Interval

Do do do do, do do da da dee, do do do do do, do dododo, do dodo, dee laalalaaaa!

Edited by Hamlet, 25 January 2010 - 01:02 PM.

[Hamlet]

Chapter 8: The Negative Stereotypes Chapter

The trio finally set foot (or in Thwomp’s case, wheel) on solid ground for the first time in a week. Before Wally and Addy could think about anything else, they wanted food – good food. So unfortunately for Thwomp, who would rather begin planning on how to deal with his nemesis, he was taken to the nearest McDonalds restaurant.

Thwomp had never been to a McDonalds before – in fact he had never eaten out before. His parents had preferred to avoid the outside world, and Thwomp was too lonely and shy to ever have a reason to go to a restaurant. So McDonalds was an entirely new experience for him.

“What are those creatures?” Thwomp asked, pointing to something with his chin.
“Those are chavs, Thwomp. They’re quite common in British cities” Addy explained.
Thwomp had never seen anything quite like them before. They looked vaguely human, but they looked so... odd. There was a group of them standing by the entrance to the toilets. They were dressed in trainers, tracksuits, and hoodies. Some wore baseball caps over their greasy hair, and the females had gigantic hooped earrings.
“They frighten me. Can we go somewhere else?” Thwomp asked. He didn’t feel very safe eating near the chavs.
“Gie over it, they will nae hurt ye when am around” grunted Wally, flexing his gigantic muscles.    

So they ordered their food and sat down. Thwomp had chicken nuggets, chips and a coke. He didn’t really like it – he actually missed the taste of coconuts. After Wally and Addy had satisfied their hunger, they began to discuss what they should do now. They agreed, without Thwomp saying anything, that it would be best if they split up. After all, they had no reason to stay together now; they were safe in Hull, Thwomp didn’t need to go back to hospital as his legs would heal no more, and Wally and Addy were pretty desperate for each other after a week of being stuck on a raft that wasn’t suitable for such activities, and they didn’t really feel comfortable doing anything in front of Thwomp.
“Though, if ye wanted tae, ye could join in if ye liked,” Wally offered. Thwomp declined.
Thwomp didn’t really want their company either, but deep down he would have preferred to stay with them – he needed someone to push his wheelchair after all, and now it seemed that he would need someone to protect him from the chavs (which were still loitering outside the toilets). He didn’t say this, though, because he didn’t want to look like a loser.

So after they had finished their McDonalds meal (Thwomp did not regret having never eaten out before) they shook hands, and said their goodbyes.
“I’ll miss you, Thwomp, It was nice to meet a piece of rock with an actual personality for a change,” said Addy, smiling.
“Yeah, guid luck tae ye, Thwompo!” grinned Wally.

And together, holding hands, they walked off in search of the nearest hotel. And Thwomp was alone again.

His first idea was to get out the restaurant, but being a heavy piece of rock with useless legs and no arms in a wheelchair, he couldn’t move. He glanced over at the chavs to check if they were still there or not, but he almost had a heart attack – they were looking straight at him. Thwomp looked away as quickly as he could, but it was too late, he had made eye contact, and now they were walking towards him.

As they drew closer, Thwomp said a little prayer. He could not perish at the hands of chavs, not when he still had to defeat the Village Volcano!

“Oi, you, wot were ya lookin’ at us for, yeah?” demanded the tallest of the chavs.
“Yeah, you a peado or something, innit?” glared the spottiest.
“Sicko!” shouted the most pregnant.
“L-listen, I’m not a p-“ Thwomp stammered, but he was cut-off by the smelliest of the chavs –
“****in’ shut up, innit!”
“You gay sicko!” screamed the fattest chav, as he spat on Thwomp’s face. The saliva mixed in with the tears of fear that were now streaming down Thwomp’s face.

Thwomp began to fear for his life.
“WALLY! HELP!” he cried. But Wally was too far away to hear him now.
The chavs guffawed at their victims plea for help, and kept spitting on him.
“Hey look, he’s in a wheelchair, innit!” observed the smartest chav (he wore Nike glasses).
“Ahaha! What a queer, innit?” said the Koopa with shell cancer (who, since the incident at the hospital, had fallen in with the wrong crowd and become a chav-in-training).
“We could, push him down some hill, like!” suggested the prettiest chav.

And so the chavs grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and took the screaming Thwomp to the top of a large hill. Thwomp could see that if they pushed him with enough force he could end up in the sea which was only a few metres away from the bottom of the hill. He tried to explain this to the chavs, but they either didn’t understand or didn’t care.

“One!” they shouted, rocking Thwomp’s wheelchair backwards.
“NOOOOOO!” Thwomp yelled.
“Two!”
“HAVE MERCY!”
“FOUR (innit)!” and with that final cry, the chavs shoved Thwomp down the hill. However, unfortunately for the most pregnant chav, she forgot to let go of the wheelchair.
Down the hill they hurtled, both of them screaming, both of them frightened for their very lives. Thwomp’s worst fears were realised when they flew over the edge of the land, into the sea.

Or perhaps not. Because at that last second, when both Thwomp and the most pregnant chav shut their eyes, they did not see the GIANT SHARK rise from the water, jaws wide open, ready to gobble them both up.

Edited by Hamlet, 25 January 2010 - 01:02 PM.

[My mate Neil]

Chapter 9: Plot Significance

The most pregnant chav fell into the abyss that was the Giant Shark’s mouth while Thwomp remained jammed between the Giant Shark’s fifteen rows of teeth. Thwomp knew it was only a matter of time before either the Shark’s teeth broke, or Thwomp would become rubble. Thwomp looked on in terror as he had no idea what he could do, he felt like the most helpless piece of rock in the world. The giant shark then plunged into the water still with Thwomp clenched between its fifteen rows of teeth this looked like it was it for our hero. Thwomp began to panic, as he felt the teeth digging into him, Thwomp remembered something that he had been told by his Great Papa Thwomp the Third, that sharks had really sensitive teeth and that Great Papa Thwomp the Third had wanted to hunt the biggest shark in the world. He remembered how his Grand Papa Thwomp had told him that if he broke the teeth he would be able to destroy the shark. Unfortunetly his Great Papa Thwomp had been eaten by a shark, Thwomp knew now that could avenge his fallen Great Papa Thwomp if he broke the shark’s teeth. Thwomp began to shuffle about; watching for the odd tooth that would fall out, the shark began to franticly swim trying to get rid of the pain. The shark then decided to spit Thwomp out. Thwomp began to sink down into the dark ocean. There was no way he could be rescued now. However in his cold stone heart Thwomp knew he had to find a way out as he had to defeat the village volcano, and kill the shark that he decided had killed his Grand Papa Thwomp the Third.

[William777]

Chapter 10: Danger Shark

But before Thwomp could think any more, he felt the vibrations of the giant shark approaching. His grandfather taught him everything he knew about shark hunting back when he was a young boy so he knew he had to find some sort of weapon to defend himself or he would be done for. As the strong vibrations of the giant shark propelling itself towards him got stronger and stronger he struggled to pick up a small sharp rock in his mouth. As he saw the giant shark's massive bloodthirsty red eyes rapidly approaching him through the water, he lunged at the shark, carving a small gash in the side of its face – just missing it’s left eye.
"AARRRRGGGHGHHH" The shark moaned in pain, "I'LL KILL YOU"
"I don't think so..." Thwomp muttered with determination.

But that was his biggest mistake – until then, Thwomp had been holding his breath, trying not to breath in water. But since he had muttered, the water had come flooding in, and he dropped his sharp rock. Thwomp panicked, and if he had any working limbs at all, he would have started waving them around trying to get back to the surface. Disabled as he was, he instead kept sinking. He could no longer focus on the giant shark – he just wanted to stop drowning!
The giant shark turned around and when he saw Thwomp struggling, it forgot about its bleeding wound. It grinned in anticipation of the easy meal that was just ahead of it. To be fair, a shark wouldn’t usually find a giant rock appetising, but this particular shark was writing an article for a food magazine about new and exciting ingredients, and so it was looking for unusual stuff. It started to swim towards Thwomp – this time more slowly, as there was no danger of its prey escaping.
But suddenly, an EVEN MORE GIANT SHARK, appeared out of the murky depths and grabbed the giant shark in its mouth. The giant shark screamed in terror and pain, and as the even more giant shark took a big bite out of it, huge amounts of blood spilled into the surrounding waters. You see, the thing about sharks is that they can sense bl ood from a long way away. And because Thwomp had wounded the giant one... he had made it bleed.
The even more giant shark finished devouring its victim, licked its lips (for this shark was special and had lips), rubbed its belly and said;
“MMMMMmm, that was delicious!”
And, not even noticing the poor little drowning rock, it swam away. But to where, Thwomp did not know, because he was drowning and wasn’t really paying attention.

Thwomp suddenly realised that this might be the end. Great Papa Thwomp had never taught him how to survive drowning.
‘Oh well,’ he thought, ‘I may have failed in my mission to avenge Deborah and my parents... but at least I’ll see them in heaven when I die...”
But then Thwomp remembered the bad thing he had done in the past. The bad thing he had never atoned for. Thwomp realised, that if he died now, with that bad thing still not made up for, he would not be able to go to heaven when he died.
He would go to hell.

And with that last, horrifying realisation still in his mind... Thwomp blacked out.

Suddenly, Thwomp was alive! He coughed up water, and his sandstone lungs were in intense pain. But he was alive. He took in a huge gulp of fresh, seaside air, and he felt more alive than he had ever felt before.
This was the point when he realised that something was kneeling over him. It was a large, round, green, bulbous head. Two raised eyes poked out from the back. It looked like an octopus. Maybe it was an octopus!
“W-who,” Thwomp coughed out more water, “are you?”
“Oh,” said the octopus-like thing. Thwomp couldn’t see where its mouth was. “My name is... Penny.”
“Penny... you saved me.”
“Don’t mention it. Any reasonable pentapus would have done the same”.
“Penta...what?” Thwomp had never heard of a ‘pentapus’ before.
“Oh, pentapus, it’s what I am. Kind of like an octopus but with five tentacles instead of eight.”

As Thwomp tried to wrap his mind around how this strange new creature could exist, he could only look in surprise as a DeLorean DMC-12 drove over the horizon and started to make it's way towards Thwomp...

[Hamlet]

Chapter 11: The Silent Driver

The DeLorean skidded to a halt on the beach, stopping just in front of them.
“What the hell? Is this your car?” Penny the Pentapus asked Thwomp.
“No...” Thwomp was just as confused as she was.

As they stared at the DeLorean, its distinctive gull-wing doors opened upwards, and jets of steam burst out. Thwomp braced himself in anticipation.

A man climbed out. He was tall, and he was wearing a white racing suit and racing helmet. A thick black visor kept his face hidden.

“Who are you?” Penny asked. Thwomp could see Penny reflected in the man’s visor, but because he was not familiar with pentapuses he could not tell what she was thinking.
The man pointed at Thwomp, and then gestured towards the car, indicating that he should get in.
“Why should he go with you?!” Penny asked.
The man pointed to the car again.
There was a long silence.
“Uh... I don’t think he can move,” explained Penny.
The man began walking towards Thwomp.
“Wait, what are you doing?! You can’t just kidnap disabled people against their will!” Penny shouted.
The man didn’t seem to notice her. He bent down to pick up Thwomp.
“I won’t let you steal him!” Penny leaped in-between them and raised her tentacles in the air.
The man stepped back in surprise, but it didn’t seem like he was going to give up that easily. He lunged forwards, trying to punch Penny, but she grabbed his arm with one of her tentacles. He tried to pull away, but her grip was firm and she dug her other tentacles into the ground to keep herself in place.  The man then jumped forward, and kicked Penny in the head. She flew backwards, but she still didn’t let go of the man’s arm. They both fell over. The man was first to get up, and he started trying to release his arm from the tentacle. But before he could, he hit the sand again – Penny had recovered and had grabbed one of his legs with another tentacle. Before he could react, his other leg was also caught. With only one arm left, he tried to grab Penny’s head, but she was too quick for him.

Now the mysterious masked man was on the ground, with Penny having a tight hold on all four of his limbs. He struggled, and tried to get free, but Penny kept him pinned down. She still had one tentacle free.
“Alright, now talk! Who are you?!” Penny yelled at the man.
He was silent.
“I said talk! Why do you want this rock?!” Penny slapped the man in the groin. He didn’t react, and instead kept trying to break himself free.
Penny was getting more and more impatient.
“I guess I’ll take your helmet off then, and see if that makes you any less shy!” and she began to try and take it off. This seemed to make the man panic, as he began to struggle a lot more violently. Suddenly Penny screamed in pain – in his mad flailing about trying to break free, the man had actually managed to rip off one of Penny’s tentacles! The man then used this free arm to punch Penny in the head – but he didn’t just do this once, he did it repeatedly. With every blow Penny screamed harder and harder – eventually she let go of the man completely and tried to get away – but this time it was him grabbing her tentacles. He picked her up and swung him over his head, before swinging her body hard into the sand as if she was a hammer. The sand flew into Thwomp’s eyes, making him blink – but he didn’t need to see to understand what had just happened. Because this time, Penny had stopped screaming.

Thwomp wondered about all the people who had attacked him since he had tried to kill himself; the village volcano twice, the chavs, the giant shark, and now this man. Why was he so unlucky? Was it God punishing him?

But he had no more time to think about the past. The man wiped the pentapus blood off his visor, and walked up to Thwomp. The poor rock cried out for help, but it was pointless – the only creature in the universe that had seemed to want to help him had just been brutally murdered before his very eyes.

The man reached down and picked Thwomp up with no effort. He then carried him to the DeLorean and put him in the passenger seat. He shut the door behind him and then got into the driver’s seat himself.

“W-what are you going to do to me?” Thwomp asked, beads of sweat running down his flat face.
The man still said nothing. Thwomp couldn’t even tell if he had even heard him speak. The man put his seatbelt on, and started to drive.

Thwomp didn’t try to communicate – it was clear that this man was not interested in it. Instead, Thwomp thought about his situation, going through everything in his head.

It had all started on that one night, where his depression had reached breaking point and he threw himself out of the window. That was how he broke his legs. Thwomp hated his loss of mobility – he had turned into a pathetic cripple who was dependant on other people to help him. He had almost fallen in love with a beautiful woman, but then the monster from his childhood had returned with the sole purpose of killing him. Since then, he had just been going from one place to the next with absolutely no control over where – even now, he was being moved somewhere against his will. Before his attempted suicide, Thwomp had had the revelation that life was just a series of choices, and that he had made the wrong ones – but recently, he had been unable to make any choices for himself. How did he expect to be able to kill the Village Volcano in this state?!

Edited by Hamlet, 05 February 2010 - 06:08 PM.

[Storm Bagel]

remember when they used to update this

[My mate Neil]

poop hit the fan when Tahli got banned. Sorry.

Bloody censors.

Edited by Good Old Neil, 01 May 2010 - 08:25 PM.

[Storm Bagel]

Aw, you and will should try again some time.

[My mate Neil]

Maybe, but exams are coming up so probably smoking heroien working on this isn't the best of ideas.


I will however, take this into consideration. You'll need to wait until June to see the next action packed thriller installment, unless someone else wants to write it.

[Storm Bagel]

Thwomp goes to the Movies:

THE MOVIE